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Monday Memories: The Fifteenth!

June 14th, 2009 · 16 Comments

Me & Dad

Me & my dad when I was about two

My father.

He wasn’t around much.  I look at the photo above and wish I could remember this.  My parents were separated when I was little.   I had almost no relationship with him until I was about 22.  He was more a part of my life once I was married, and a big part for a short while once I had my first child, whom he adored.  After my mom died, he made some hurtful choices and drifted out of our lives again when I was about 33.   He was a good person, he made some bad choices, and I think he didn’t know how to be a husband or a father.  I feel sad for what we didn’t have in a father/daughter relationship.  I feel glad that my oldest son knew him for a while and that his Grandpa fawned over him, even though it was for only about the first three years of his life.  I feel sad that my dad chose to walk away from us again, and that my daughter and youngest son never got the kind of Grandpa I wanted them to have.  I know this is sort of an ambiguous post.  The details are too long and boring, and not even necessary, I think.  Children want their parents to be there and to show their love.  I know my dad loved me, as an adult I see that clearly, but I still felt unloved, because his actions didn’t show it.

So how’s that for a Father’s Day memory post?!  Sorry about that!  The good part is that my husband is a dad who is present and shows his love.  (And when I think he’s not showing it enough, I hound him!)

What are you remembering today?  If you have something to share with us today, leave a link to your blog post or photo in Mr. Linky.  If you don’t have a blog, tell us about a memory in the comment section.  I want to hear from everybody!  (If Mr. Linky  isn’t working, you can put your link in the comments section.  He’s been acting up lately!)  Please remember to:

  • Leave a link to the specific blog post, not to your general blog address, to make it easier for people to find your memory post.
  • Make sure your link works and that it goes to your specific memory post.
  • Put a link back to here in your post so that your readers can come and read about everyone’s memories!
  • Visit the other participants and please leave comments on their posts!  We all love comments!
  • Enjoy the party and come back next week for Monday Memories: Part Sixteen!

Tags: Family · Monday Memories

16 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Puna // Jun 14, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    Oh Gayle…

  • 2 vchelle // Jun 15, 2009 at 8:50 am

    Gayle, I share this story too. What is so amazing about my father is that if I do not call him or do not return his phone calls immediately, he gets complexed. I can’t help but to think, “you never came to see me.” Anyway, I accept it is what it is and try to do my best as a daughter that forgives.

    Happy Inspirational on the Monday Memories day!
    .-= vchelle´s last blog ..Inspirational Monday: Witnessing Presence… =-.

  • 3 elk // Jun 15, 2009 at 9:56 am

    gayle i really am glad you shared this as we all know life is not all butterflies and rainbows …the memories are there for us all good or not so good and you will help others by your sharing today.

    my dad has been gone for 14 years from cancer, my memories have mellowed over the years
    blessings friend

  • 4 maya | springtree road // Jun 15, 2009 at 10:31 am

    breaks my heart, gayle. we could have a conversation about this, i’m sure.
    .-= maya | springtree road´s last blog ..Riding bikes =-.

  • 5 Katie in MA // Jun 15, 2009 at 1:37 pm

    I have a weird relationship with my dad, too. He and my mom are still together, but he was always emotionally absent. He’d work long hours to pay for clothing and feeding and sheltering us…but he never interacted with us unless he was yelling at us. Now he wants to interact with the grandkids (my girls) and acts as if everything were fine…but I find the entire thing incredibly awkward and I really don’t want to talk to him at all. No fun, really, whether they stay or go. I think it’s painful either way when your parent decides not to parent.

    But as for happy things – I linked my memory of some music that has been influential in my life. Good, bad and embarrassing – it’s all there!
    .-= Katie in MA´s last blog ..Apparently, my girls have gills. =-.

  • 6 Angela // Jun 15, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    I think I’m right there with ya and everyone else reading this post. Although my parents are still married (although divorced for a time), I still get knots trying to get my dad a card for Father’s Day. Go figure.
    .-= Angela´s last blog ..Wrap Up =-.

  • 7 donna // Jun 15, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    My heart goes out to you Gayle. Relationships are such a complicated thing. But your own husband’s skills as a father are a wonderful footnote to this post. So you know your children won’t ever feel the same way you do about your Dad.
    .-= donna´s last blog ..Busy Doing Nothing =-.

  • 8 spread your wings // Jun 15, 2009 at 4:01 pm

    this makes me sad. but i’m so glad you have your husband who is a loving father.
    i feel fortunate to have my dad who is still a very big part of my life. And even though T’s dad and I are no longer together he is very much a part of her life – for that I am grateful.
    .-= spread your wings´s last blog ..what remains =-.

  • 9 Se'Lah // Jun 15, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    My heart aches (in a good way) every time I read your Monday Memories. That photo depicts such an everlasting love between father and daughter. Happy tears.
    .-= Se’Lah´s last blog ..Inspirational Monday: reading to our children… =-.

  • 10 SandySmile // Jun 15, 2009 at 7:10 pm

    From this picture it looks like your dad loved you very much. Maybe he just struggled with the responsibility of it all. I feel so sad for you. My prayer is that your dad will come back into your lives to stay.
    .-= SandySmile´s last blog ..Monday Memories: 3 Brothers =-.

  • 11 Christina // Jun 15, 2009 at 9:04 pm

    it was so kind of you to share these memories. what a lovely picture.
    .-= Christina´s last blog ..mosaic sunrise =-.

  • 12 Puna // Jun 15, 2009 at 9:54 pm

    Well, here you go! It’s your fault!

  • 13 Diane // Jun 17, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    You are not alone. I can relate to so much of this experience/memory of yours. It truly is unfortunate but we must move ahead and not let those mistakes interfere with making a beautiful life for our own children and grandchildren. Nicely said Gayle
    .-= Diane´s last blog ..Tulips n’ Dandelions =-.

  • 14 sunnymama // Jun 17, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    Thanks for sharing your memories, I’m so pleased that your husband is a father who’s present and shows your children his love :)
    .-= sunnymama´s last blog ..Street Fashion, UK Corner View =-.

  • 15 Monkey's Momma // Jun 17, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    I know how it is. My dad and I, our relationship is…strange. I didn’t know him until I was 16. He was out of my life again from the time I was 19-29. He is a better grandpa than he is a dad, though.
    .-= Monkey’s Momma´s last blog ..Faith In The Form Of A Goose =-.

  • 16 Monday Memories: The Twenty-second! // Aug 2, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    […] of my dad’s hobbies used to be photography.  I’ve talked about my dad here before and about our lack of a relationship.  What I remember about his photography was that it was […]

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