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Thirteen

May 22nd, 2009 · 14 Comments

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Yesterday my girl came home from school feeling sad.  She hardly said anything all afternoon and evening, wanted to be by herself.  Near bedtime she came and sat with me on the couch in the living room.  A little touch here and there, a head on my shoulder for a minute or two.  Still no words, just that she was sad and it was something that happened at school.

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Oh, to be a thirteen year old girl.  I never want to be there again.  The emotions, the nasty word said by a friend that can leave you feeling devastated.  The cute boy that doesn’t know you exist.  Being a very shy and gentle person in a world that doesn’t feel that way sometimes.

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How do you convince a thirteen year old that these things will pass and tomorrow is another day?  Is there a way to convince a thirteen year old, or do they just need to learn on their own?

Tags: Family · Middle School

14 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Stephanie // May 22, 2009 at 11:47 am

    That’s sad. I think all you can do is be there for her when she is ready to talk and offer comfort and understanding. Having a mom that will just sit and listen while you vent can be very helpful. Offer advice when she ASKS for it. She will learn in time. We all do. Being a teenager was fun… but kinda sucked, too. I wouldn’t want to do it over again, either.

    Stephanie’s last blog post..I tried to turn each of these things into it’s own post, but.

  • 2 donna // May 22, 2009 at 1:04 pm

    Oh Gayle…I know exactly how you feel. I have a middle school daughter too…She’s goes through some ups and downs and its hard as a Mom not to be able to just fix everything and make it better. I have set up a blog for my daughter so she can share things with her cousins back in Australia…sometimes sharing with them helps her deal with things better and makes her realize that there is life outside of middle school!

    donna’s last blog post..3 Boys.

  • 3 Kath // May 22, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    I’m 48 and I still have those days sometimes. I think your daughter may already understand that it’s okay to be quiet and sad but it’s important to sit with someone you love while your being sad and quiet.
    I hope this passes quickly for her.

    Kath’s last blog post..Absenteeism

  • 4 elk // May 22, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    just sitting and being with her…especially right as she is climbing into bed …sometimes that moment is when the emotions can spill out and she may feel better with your listening ear.

    leave her short notes on the mirror …in a shoe to encourage her something about reading how wonderful you are helps!

    I will also say that mine tend to get over it faster than I do I always stewed over it

    thinking of you mom!your shots are amazing

  • 5 sunnymama // May 22, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    Beautiful flowers!

    How heartbreaking for you to see how hurt your daughter has been. I can’t really add anything to the advice you’ve already been given except to say I’m sure in the long term that its your love that will have more effect on her than these nasty words from friends.

    sunnymama’s last blog post..Play Nice (Conscious Friday)

  • 6 Rachel // May 22, 2009 at 4:47 pm

    I remember those days all too well. Unfortunately, no matter what you say, she’ll just have to learn from these experiences on her own. Just offer your ear and shoulder, and that should be more than enough.

  • 7 Monkey's Momma // May 22, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    Just be there for her. That is the most important thing.

    Monkey’s Momma’s last blog post..I Lost My Job!

  • 8 Se'Lah // May 22, 2009 at 7:32 pm

    Sending a big hug your way. I imagine that just being there and a touch here and there might be what’s getting her through. She will find her way so long as love leads the way. You are love.

    Se’Lah’s last blog post..Conscious Friday: still breathing…

  • 9 Se'Lah // May 22, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    p.s. you and i took pictures of THE same exact thing today. It’s great to know that we were on the same wavelength today. So, sharing some of my positive vibes with you. Be still. JAH will provide.

    Se’Lah’s last blog post..Conscious Friday: still breathing…

  • 10 DesignTies // May 23, 2009 at 1:02 am

    I was SO tempted to buy a rhododendron when I was at the garden centre a few days ago…. after seeing your beautiful pics, I might have to go back and get one!!

    Don’t worry, your daughter will be OK :-) It’s all part of being a teenager…. sometimes it’s hard, but sometimes it’s good too :-) Just keep the lines of communication open and let her know that you’re always there to listen to her and support her :-)

    Kelly @ DesignTies

  • 11 Puna // May 23, 2009 at 9:19 am

    Oh Gayle, I so understand! My girl is 13, it’s a whole new world for me. Now I make cookies when she’s feeling bad. Not much else you can do except wait to be told. But cookies help. Awww, hand in there.

    Puna’s last blog post..The Hostess Without The Mostest

  • 12 spread your wings // May 23, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    i’m not sure there’s any convincing – they just have to learn it on their own and your daughter will and hopefully without too many sad days to teach her. you just being there is a comfort to her. my experience is that if i try to pull it out of my daughter it doesn’t work so well – it’s best to let her open up on her own time and most of the time i believe she shares what troubles her – i think.
    that age is hard on young girls and us, as mothers, who hate to see them sad.

    spread your wings’s last blog post..zest / spice

  • 13 Bobbie // May 24, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    I retired after 35+ years teaching middle school English. I loved the age group, but girls are cruel. Boys will generally punch each other and get it over with! Has she seen the guidance counselor for some ideas on how to deal with this? Sometimes the girls are best friends one day and bitter the next. Are there some school groups she can join? I know it is late in the year, so maybe next year. This treatment happens to LOTS of the girls, not just quiet ones. Does she have a teacher she can talk to…not to rat on people, but to share concerns. If this continues to bother your daughter, and if it starts to create a decline in her grades, spirit, interests, you have to do more than just be there for her. Consider seeing the counselor yourself, even after school is over for the year. They are often there for a few weeks after the regular school year. They can also often arrange schedules to keep the nasties out of her classes, if you have a large district.

  • 14 Gayle // May 24, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    Hi everyone!

    Thank you all for giving me advice and support. It means so much to me. My girl was back to her happy, singing self the next day! elk, you were so right about her getting over it faster than me!

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